End of Eternity 3 Read online

  “You kids have answers for everything, don’t you?” my dad grumbles. “Explain this to me, Owen: why does my daughter have a nasty bruise on her face?”

  “This isn’t fair, Dad,” I said quietly. “When Helen got ‘mugged’ years ago, you didn’t ask half as many questions. You barely noticed what happened to her. Why do I get the third degree?”

  Helen has chosen that moment to return with two bowls of clam chowder. “I got mugged?” she asks in surprise. “I don’t remember that.”

  Dr. Howard looks at my sister with concern. “Really, dear? You have no memory whatsoever of what happened?”

  “No. Not since the car accident.”

  With a frown, Leslie turns to look at Liam and my father. “We should really get her talking to some neurologists. I can make a few excellent recommendations.”

  “We think it’s partly psychological, Dr. Howard,” Liam says softly. “I’ve been trying to keep her away from emotional stressors to see if that would help in aiding her recovery. She’s also been writing a book. I think Helen’s always preferred to use her writing as her therapy.”

  “I’ve been getting glimpses and flashes of memories now and then,” Helen admits as she serves the soup to me and Owen. “Especially since I came home. To be honest, from what I’ve seen, I am not sure I even want to remember.”

  Leslie nods slowly. “I don’t blame you, dear. The past is a dark road, filled with deep potholes. I think that we would all live much longer, healthier lives if we could forget all the bad things that have happened to us.”

  Taking her seat at the table, Helen smiles at the doctor. “All I know is that I’ve been really happy since I woke up from that car accident, and really glad to be alive. I am not going to take what I have for granted anymore. I don’t need my memory to recognize who’s important in my life.” She looks to Liam affectionately as she says this.

  “An excellent outlook,” Dr. Howard says softly, with a glance in my direction.

  I wonder if she’s considering grabbing a baseball bat and strategically hitting me on the head to cure my obsession. Wouldn’t that be a neat little trick? If I could forget all about Brad’s cruelty, I could probably just live happily ever after with Owen, too. I glance over at him, and see that he has already finished half the bowl of clam chowder. He is eating it ravenously, and I find it adorable. I take a spoonful of my own soup, and I am delighted at the flavor. I almost do wish that I could be free from my anger and my agenda, and get back to enjoying my own life. The only issue is that I would have no awareness of the danger I’m facing. A little shiver touches my shoulders—am I in danger? Could Brad turn on me? Would he?

  “The conversation got sidetracked a little,” my dad says lightly, “but I still need to know what’s going on with you, Carm. You’re not going to distract me and get off the hook so easily.”

  “Dad, it’s perfectly fine,” I tell him softly. I wish that I had made an effort to hide the bruise on my face with some concealer. “You don’t have to worry about me. This is really excellent soup, Liam.”

  Liam nods in thanks. “My mother’s recipe,” he explains.

  “Oh, no. I’m not letting you off the hook that easily,” Dad tells me. “You were dating Brad at breakfast, and now you’re dating Owen at dinner?” He squints his eyes suspiciously. “Come on, darling. I wasn’t born yesterday. This confirms my suspicions that you were never really dating Brad at all.”

  My lips part slightly, and I briefly consider coming clean with my dad. What do I tell him? How can I possibly tell him that Brad is responsible for killing his grandchild? My face contorts with pain. I know that my dad will freak out and go to the authorities. Brad will know that I’m onto him, and I’ll lose any chance I ever had of gaining real information.

  “I think we should change the subject,” Liam says suddenly. “It’s obvious that Carmen is uncomfortable, Mr. Winters. Why don’t we talk about some happier news?” He reaches to his side where Helen has taken her seat, and he takes her hand. “Do you want to tell them?”

  A radiant smile transforms Helen’s features and she nods eagerly. “Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it’s as good a time as any.”

  Liam gazes at my sister with adoration etched all over his features. “I am happy to announce that Helen and I are engaged.”

  “Holy shit!” Owen shouts, dropping his spoon and bouncing into the air with excitement. He moves over to Liam and gives his best friend a huge hug that nearly lifts him out of his chair. “This is awesome news, bro! Did you pick your best man? Who’s going to be your best man? Is it me? Please say it’s me!”

  “It’s you,” Liam says with a deep chuckle.

  “Yes!” Owen yells, thrusting his fist into the air. “I’m going to write the best speech ever. Oh my god, this is going to be epic. I need a pen—does anyone have a pen and paper? Anyone?” He runs around the dining room madly, like a chicken with its head cut off, until Leslie searches in her purse for a pen and paper and hands it to him. I can’t help grinning at his antics, and everyone else at the table is laughing, too.

  Looking around at everyone’s smiling faces, I can’t help feeling a bit warm and fuzzy inside. It’s been so many years since there were six people sitting at this monstrously large dining table. Even now, we are all sitting at one end, and over half the table is still empty. The best part of this dinner is that all six diners are wonderful people who feel like family. When Brad was here, I felt nothing. I could really get used to this—to seeing the smile on my sister’s face, and hearing my father’s laughter—but I know I shouldn’t. The warmth and love never seems to last very long. It’s funny how this gigantic house feels so empty most of the time. Maybe it’s just not practical anymore, and we should move somewhere smaller. I find myself staring at one of the empty seats. I try to imagine what it would have been like if my daughter could have joined us for this dinner and future dinners.

  She would have been about five weeks old now. I would have probably just held her in my lap. She wouldn’t have understood the conversation at the table, but she would have been able to tell that her Auntie Helen and Grandpa were happy. She would have been laughing too, because everyone else was laughing, and she would have been swept away in that happiness, knowing she was surrounded by a loving family who would care about her for years to come.

  She would have soon grown into a chubby toddler who would sit in a high chair, and then finally a little girl who could sit in one of these grown-up chairs all by herself. Maybe she would have been joined by other sisters and brothers at this table, and they would fight, bicker, tease, and love each other as much as Helen and I did while growing up here. I can see the ghostlike phases of my daughter’s life flashing across my mind, and my chest aches with all the beautiful moments that could have been. I feel like I am lost in another world until I notice that Owen is touching my arm. He gives me a worried look, as if to check that I am okay.

  I nod at him reassuringly, and he smiles and goes back to writing his speech for the wedding. I realize that everyone at the table is talking about Helen’s wedding with great excitement.

  “—the best dresses in the city,” Leslie is saying. “You should check them out.”

  “I will. And Carmen will be my maid of honor, of course,” my sister says, sending a smile in my direction. “Is that okay?”

  “Yes. I’d love that, Hellie,” I tell her honestly. A small smile tugs at my lips. “I promise to be a better maid of honor than you were, and actually stand beside you when you’re getting married.”

  “I was your maid of honor?” Helen asks in surprise. “Wow, that means a lot to me, Carm. I’m so sorry I didn’t fulfill my duties. I don’t know why I would have been such an ass to you.”

  “It wasn’t your fault,” Liam tells her softly. “When you found out that your sister was marrying that insane son of a bitch—”

  “Hey,” Owen says sharply, looking up from his notepad. “The dude is dead. Show a little respect.”

&n
bsp; “Considering that he tried to shoot me, I’m not too upset about his death,” Liam says harshly. “Better him than one of us.”

  This conversation is a bit painful, and I know that I’m having trouble hiding the discomfort on my face. I consider excusing myself, but I know that everything they’re saying is true and that Grayson deserves the postmortem hatred. Dying does not automatically absolve you of all sins.

  “Liam, stop it,” Helen says softly. “Please. Hasn’t my sister been through enough? I’m so sorry, Carm.”

  “It’s fine,” I say with a shrug, reaching for the bottle of wine in the center of the table. I begin pouring a generous amount into my glass, and I don’t stop until it’s full to the brim. “I used to be a glass-half-full kind of girl, but now I’m glass-completely-full kind of girl. Isn’t it nice that my pregnancy ended early so I could get boozed up? Cheers, everyone.” I take a big swig of my wine, and enjoy the refreshing and aromatic flavor swishing around on my tongue.

  “Should Carmen be drinking right now, with all her health issues?” my dad asks Dr. Howard with concern.

  “Honestly, Richard, I think the girl could probably use a drink. She’s in perfectly good health, I promise. It was just a minor complication,” Leslie says, giving me a kind smile before looking back to my father. “Also, this wine is delicious, and I think it would be bad for her health not to drink it. I would have some more myself, if I wasn’t driving.”

  “Then don’t drive,” my dad says lightly. “Stay and celebrate with us! We could call you a cab, or you could stay in one of our many fine guest rooms.”

  Leslie smiles at him. “I might just take you up on that.”

  “I’ll get another bottle of wine,” my dad says, rising to his feet. “Maybe some of the good stuff from the cellar? Champagne, perhaps?”

  “Oh, Dad!” Helen says with excitement. “Do you still have the Roederer Cristal Rose, 2006?”

  “Of course, little bird. I have been saving it just for you.” My dad moves around the table and bends down to give my sister a little hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I am so proud of you, Helen. I simply can’t believe that my little angel is all grown up and getting married.”

  Helen’s smile slightly falters.

  “And it couldn’t be to a finer young man,” Dad says, slapping Liam on the back in approval.

  When our father turns to walk away to head down to the wine cellar, Helen turns and calls after him softly. “Dad? What did you just say to me?”

  He looks back at her in surprise. “I said that I’m proud of you.”

  “No. No—something else. I just can’t put my finger on it…”

  “That my little angel is all grown up?” Dad repeats.

  Helen stiffens slightly, and something strange flashes across her eyes. She holds on to the edge of the table and pushes her chair up as she rises shakily to her feet. “Angel,” she repeats. “Angel? Why would you call me that? You never call me that.”

  “I was just being affectionate,” Dad says with concern. “Helen? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, Dad. I just—I just need some air.” She is gripping the back of her chair tightly and slightly bending forward. “Grab the champagne, okay? I’ll be back in a second.”

  “Alright,” Dad says with worry. “I’m sorry if I upset you, darling.” There is a puzzled look on his face as he moves away to head down to the cellar.

  “Helen,” Liam says, rising to his feet. “Did you remember something?” He tries to take my sister’s hand, but she pulls away from him.

  “Yes, I think so.” Helen reaches up with both hands and runs her fingers through her hair, and I can see that her breathing has become fast and shallow. “I just need some air,” she says again. “I’ll be back in a moment. I just want to sit on the porch swing for a minute and gather my thoughts. It’s just being in this house. There’s so much I’ve forgotten…”

  “Helen,” Liam says, reaching for her.

  “No,” she whispers, evading his grasp. “No. Don’t call me that.” She looks at him with fear for a moment, before shutting her eyes tightly. Keeping her eyes closed, she moves through the dining room at a brisk pace and heads for the backyard.

  “Dammit,” Liam says hoarsely. “I was afraid of this. She must have remembered something upsetting.”

  “What happened?” Owen asks with concern. “I was busy writing your speech and I wasn’t paying attention.”

  “I think I know what it was,” I tell the men, taking a final spoonful of my chowder before standing up. My husband’s sketches of Helen as an angel are burned into my mind, and I know that he must have called her that. I can see how that word might have triggered something for her.

  “Should I go after her?” Liam asks with worry.

  “No,” I tell him. “Let me do this. This is more of a girl-thing. She was there for me earlier, and I want to be there for her now.”

  “Be careful,” Dr. Howard says to me gently. “Helen’s state of mind is very fragile, Carmen.”

  “She’ll be fine,” I tell the doctor. I give Owen a sad smile before heading out to the backyard.

  Chapter Thirteen

  As I step through the glass doors that lead to the backyard, I see the profile of my sister sitting barefoot in the dark. She still has her eyes closed, and I don’t want to put on the porch light to upset her. I know that she has spent most of her life in darkness, and she probably prefers it that way.

  Moving over to sit beside her on the swing, I don’t speak for a moment. I just sit in silence, letting her gently sway the swing to her own rhythm by pushing her feet against the ground.

  “I was writing this book,” she finally tells me. She does not need to open her eyes to tell who I am. She can probably tell from the sound of my breathing, or my footsteps. “I was really into the story. The words were just flowing so well, gushing out of me like lava from a volcano. I thought I was using my imagination to create this amazing plot, but all of those things actually happened to me. Liam never told me. He kept encouraging me to write, but I could see the look on his face when he read my work. I thought that maybe it was just a little shocking or unsettling to him, but he knew all along. Why wouldn’t he tell me?”

  A sigh leaves my chest. “Doctors, man. He probably thought that it was better for you to dig up your memories in your own way, at your own pace, so you could deal with them and make sense of them through the story. He probably thought that it was better than dumping it all on you, all at once. I’m sure he intended to tell you when the book was complete.”

  Helen shakes her head in disbelief. “I can’t decide whether I hate him for treating me like an idiot child, or whether I appreciate his sensitivity.”

  “It can be both.”

  Helen hugs her arms around her middle and stops pushing the porch swing. It comes to a full stop before she turns to me and takes my hands. I can feel that she is trembling. “Carm. I know what happened to Grayson. I was there at the end. That’s what I just remembered.” Her breathing is labored and I can tell that she has begun to cry. “He called me an angel. He asked for my forgiveness, for everything he’d done, and said he couldn’t live with himself anymore. He said that he was scared of messing things up more. He was scared of being a bad father to your baby. He didn’t want to hurt anyone else.”

  “Oh my god, Helen,” I say as my breath leaves my body in a gust of grief. I feel like a meteor has fallen out of the sky and slammed into my chest, because it’s suddenly so hard to breathe.

  “I forgave him,” she whispers. “He looked so sad and remorseful, and I couldn’t find it in my heart to hate him anymore. I just pitied him. He said he needed my forgiveness so that he could be at peace. He begged me to have mercy on his poor, damned soul. I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, because I was dealing with my own shit—but I went upstairs to get the photo albums, and when I came back… Oh, god. I didn’t know. I didn’t know how just how vulnerable he was, or I never would have stepped away fo
r a minute. If I had just stayed by his side and waited for you to get home…”

  “You forgave him?” I ask her tearfully.

  She nods. “I’m so sorry. Oh, Carm. I know he wasn’t a bad guy, not completely. After I saw him, I drove away. I couldn’t stop crying. I was on the roads, and I couldn’t see—I just kept thinking ‘I’ve ruined my sister’s life. Carmen’s going to be so heartbroken. And her baby…’ I couldn’t believe what I’d done. I didn’t understand. What did I do? What did I say? Could I have prevented this somehow?”

  I find myself sniffling softly, and this time I reach out to put my arms around her. I press my face into her shoulder, holding her tightly. “It’s not your fault, Hellie. None of this was your fault. Thank you for being kind to my husband in his final hour. It means a lot to me. Thanks for telling me what you remember.”

  Helen’s body is shaking with sobs. “I walked in the door earlier tonight, and I had this strange vision, like I could see the body still there, hanging from the chandelier. I didn’t know it was real, I thought it was just my imagination. Not until Dad called me an angel… then it all just came back. That was so fucking horrible, Carmen. To see something like that. It made me never want to see again.”

  “I know how you feel,” I murmur into her shoulder.

  “I went to visit you that day—I wanted to apologize to you. And then I caused this huge tragedy in your life. I’m responsible for everything. I think I crashed my car partly on purpose. I couldn’t live with what I’d done.”

  “No,” I whisper, pulling away to cradle her face in my hands. “No, Hellie. God, I’m so glad that you’re okay. You’re so important to me, and I am just thankful that my little sister is still here. Everything that happened lately has made me value what little family we have left even more. You were gone for so many years, and I was so lonely and such a mess without you. And with mom gone too? I guess I fell in love with Grayson to fill the void, but I never would have gone near him if I’d known that he had hurt you.”